Memory Making Ideas to Support Children and Young People
Finding ways to remember someone who has died can help the grieving process. When children or young people (CYP) lose someone important in their life, they may fear that they will forget important or happy memories of them. Completing activities focused on remembering their loved one can help to cement memories. Having a physical object to hold, such as a photograph, will also give them something tangible to support their memory making.
Memory making can be done in many creative ways. It can be an outlet for feelings and often helps with emotional regulation. It can be done individually 1-to-1, or in a group setting. Offering CYP opportunities to talk and safe spaces to share how they feel is an important part of the remembering process.
Its worth being mindful of any community resources, peer networks, mentoring, groups or clubs that the child may be part of that can support with this too.
A memory box
Decorate a box to hold special items; things that belonged to the person that died, or that hold meaning for the CYP. Items that might go in the box; a teddy, letters, pictures, clothing, a book, a poem, a letter, a song, or an item with a scent that reminds them of their loved one (perfume or cologne). CYP could possibly include sympathy/condolence letters or cards from friends, or dried flowers from the funeral.
Memory jars
A memory jar can be either left plain or decorated. CYP and their families can write down their memories on pieces of paper or Post-it notes and then ‘post’ them into the jar. Later, it can be comforting to pull one out and read a memory at random.
Memory books
Create a remembrance book; having something physical to hold or look at when remembering loved ones can be helpful for CYP who are grieving. Add things such as poems, letters, songs, photos, drawings, scrapbooking, stickers, and accessories.
Journaling
Being able to express themselves in a journal can be a great outlet for older CYP. It may be something that they wish to share with a trusted adult such as their teacher, parent, or therapist.
Growing a plant
A nurturing activity to complete with CYP is to plant a bulb, a favourite flower, or a plant that the CYP can look after, and watch grow. Pansies and sunflowers are among some of the easiest for CYP to grow. Some people choose to plant a tree in memory of their loved one.
Special day
Have a special day in memory of the person who died. Discuss with the CYP what they would like the special day to include - things linked to memories of their loved one; eating their loved one’s favourite food, singing or listening to songs that the person loved, doing activities they did together, watching a film/recording of their loved one, or possibly going to a special place (see ‘a special walk’ below). Also, talk to the CYP about who they would like with them on their special day.
A special walk
Some families organise a walk at a place their loved one enjoyed being, or somewhere where they had spent time together. The walk could take place on the anniversary of the person’s death, on their birthday, or on another significant date.
A candle
Lighting a candle and being able to blow it out when they are ready can be a simple but powerful way of marking an anniversary or special day. Having a safe space to be able to say a prayer, read a poem, or to simply be quiet and reflect on their loved one can be healing.
Memory stones
Place 3 small stones of differing colours and textures in a bag, each represents a different type of memory (ensure there is appropriate support from a worker who can give simple explanations/prompts and to offer space for the CYP to talk about their memories):
- A smooth and average stone to represent the everyday memories of the person who died, i.e. memories of morning or bedtime routines, going food shopping together, etc.
- A rough or darker stone to represent any difficult or upsetting memories.
- A special or shiny stone to represent the special memories, i.e. birthdays, Christmas, or special celebrations.
For example - Winston's Wish: Memory stones activity
Resources:
- Books and resources that could be helpful to support CYP who are grieving can be found on the following child bereavement specialist sites:
- Therapist Aid: worksheets related to grief
- BEC resources:
Reviewed: July 2024