Adults and Grief
All of us will experience bereavement and loss at some point in our lives as adults and go through a grieving process.
As adults we can be overwhelmed by grief and feel as if we are stuck in a river current. Children tend to move much more quickly in and out of grief – we can make the analogy of puddle-jumping.
It is normal for adults to move between intense periods of grief and moments of reprieve. Our lives can be impacted significantly by these experiences.
Here are some suggestions as to how you can support yourself:
- Looking after your physical health, diet, sleep hygiene, and exercise.
- Memory making- finding ways to remember a deceased loved one and maintain a connection with them.
- Giving grief time and space whilst also allowing time for life to go on. This may understandably take some time, however, can support people to process the grief and aid in healing.
- Allowing feelings to bubble to the surface and trying not to supress them.
- Developing your own helpful coping mechanisms and strategies that work for you.
Supporting grieving colleagues and friends
We have all heard or said the following familiar sayings at some point, but they can be frustrating to someone grieving loss, as their newfound reality is unique to them and their personal circumstances:
“I know how you feel”
“I completely understand what you’re going through”
Sometimes we may experience the same loss, such as the death of a loved one or other forms of loss such as collective redundancy from a large employer, but we each have our own response and experience.
'We are all in the same storm, but we are not all in the same boat.'
With permission from BarbaraKelley.com
If you take time to study the picture of the ships you will notice that although they are in the same storm, the individual circumstances (boats) are quite different:
- Ships/Boats/Submarines/Canoes
- Size
- Motor/No Motor/Paddles
- Sinking/Keeping Above Water
Things We Can do to Help Those Who Are Grieving:
This can feel difficult at times as it is often a sensitive situation, and we can become worried of saying or doing the wrong thing. However, below are some examples that people who have experienced grief shared:
- Express condolences and sympathy.
- Ask them about the circumstances of the loss.
- Check in on them rather than waiting for them to reach out.
- Make plans to get together.
- Give hugs when they are in pain.
- Avoid saying the person should be "strong" .
- Avoid minimising by suggesting it is "for the best".
Other Support for Grief:
Counselling, bereavement support groups, individual or group therapy (online or in person) can be effective in helping you or someone you support work through unresolved grief.
Medication and therapy are also common methods of treating grief in adults. Initially when visiting a GP, your doctor may prescribe medications to help you function better on a day-to-day basis which may include sedatives, antidepressants, something to help you sleep or anti-anxiety medications.
Whilst medication can often be a helpful intervention, it is also worth noting that it can also ‘numb’ feelings which are needed to move through the grief journey, and we can sometimes get emotionally ‘stuck’ if medication is used for more than an initial period.
If grief is becoming overwhelming for you or someone you work with, it is always recommended to seek medical advice. In the first instance, this is usually a GP.
People who are grieving often develop strength and resilience they never realised they had or were capable of and find creative ways of coping with their new reality.
Published: July 2024